i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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