i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
