I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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