try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
