I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
