Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
