I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
