guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
