I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
