he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
