you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
