So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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