i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
