My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
