there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
