"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
