Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
