you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
