I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
