i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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