Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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