I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
