i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
