Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
