We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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