You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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