hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
