i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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