So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
