It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
