Porn is love you can see.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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