Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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