At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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