We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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