im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
