I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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