Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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