Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
