dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
