she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
