WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
