Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
