If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
