What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
