Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
