i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
