Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
