I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
