I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
