I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
